After the recent expositions about some church leaders, it has become clear that Pastoral work and Christianity as a whole is a huge pillar to Uganda’s economy. Just as a form of encouraging economic development, John K. Abimanyi gives a few guidelines to follow if any one is interested in starting, maintaining and prospering a church
Start from scratch
not wait to build a 10,000-seater auditorium to begin a church. The
garage at home can do for starters. If you
follow the instructions below to the dot, you will upgrade to a palace
Above all, make it clear from the start that the only way to get a thing
from God is by constant, sincere, and faithful tithing and sowing.
The flock should know that God knows exactly
how much they earn and will punish them when
they give him less than a tenth. Preach about getting rich and
not talk about sin and hell because people do
not like being blamed for the slightest sin they commit; rather, they
listen to the promises of prosperity that God
has for them.
You need a
loud, sharp and hoarse voice. 21 century church is not conducted in
you should be able to scream the lungs out to
the masses all sermon long. It shows that you are an authority on what
preaching. You should also be able to quote a
few Bible verses off the cuff without turning the pages of the bible.
regular music and dance extravaganzas facilitated by dynamic bass boost
systems. It is the only way to attract this
day’s youth to your church. You can also include youth conferences where
you talk about sex, abstinence, marriage, and
relationships from as many perspectives as you can create.
such talk and will never get tired of it. You
would also love to have a mass choir, probably run by your wife or
where the boys and girls meet to socialise
during the practice. This will keep the youth satisfied and once you
youth, you have tomorrow’s leaders.
a unique personality. You ought to have a few vices that you were saved
Occasionally, remind your church that you
were once a murderer, or a thief but you were saved and are now
cleansed. The flock
will easily associate with you because you
have been where they are.
Drive high powered SUVs with personalised
plates. You would particularly want to drive a Humvee. This would show
are a General in God’s army. It helps to
spread the word and show how God has blessed you. You do not need to be a
man to be a pastor. Do not let your
promiscuity, witchcraft, lust, and theft stop you from serving.
The parking yard
getting the church venue, gather up a few cars to park around your
Sunday morning while you conduct your
service. People feel secure going to a church that is attended by trendy
All those that do not have cars, and they are
really many, will have hope that within three months of attending your
they will be driving as well.
So let them come and fill your bags with
‘seed.’ Words of caution though, do not pack Toyota Corollas a.k.a.
kikumi and Toyota Coronas a.k.a. kibina at
your venue because the people may think that your congregation is made
up of special
hire drivers only.
Gad for God
You need a
good English accent. You must be able to pronounce the word ‘God’
as Garrd. That way, you give the congregation
the feeling that you are learnt about the white man’s language; and
only builds their confidence in you. You
should at no time refer to the Holy Spirit as that; rather, call him
pronounced hurly gawst.
Hire a few
people to give testimony once in while. This will send the message that
are working in your church and keep people
anxious and ‘sowing.’ Do not worry about how to get the people to do
this sacred job because many Ugandans would
love to do such a thing. If they can sell the most private of their body
for a couple of coins, then they can sell off
their conscience for a little more than that.
People who matter
around people who make things happen in your society. It helps to say
like, “while I was with the President the
other day…” during your sermon. Your flock will know that they
are in secure hands because you even command
attention from high people. People like L.C.5 Chairperson, the President
his wife, and many of the kind. With this,
you can never go wrong even if you blander with a prophecy or two.