By : Sue Bohlin
This essay examines the ten lies of feminism that Dr. Toni Grant
suggests in her book
Being a Woman.(1)
At its inception, the feminist movement, accompanied by the sexual
revolution, made a series of enticing, exciting promises to women.
These promises sounded good, so good that many women deserted their
men and their children or rejected the entire notion of marriage
and family, in pursuit of "themselves" and a career. These
pursuits, which emphasized self-sufficiency and individualism, were
supposed to enhance a woman's quality of life and improve her
options, as well as her relations with men. Now, a decade or so
later, women have had to face the fact that, in many ways, feminism
and liberation made promises that could not be delivered.(2)
Lie #1: Women Can Have It All
The first lie is that women can have it all. We were fed an
illusion that women, being the superior sex, have an inexhaustible
supply of physical and emotional energy that enable us to juggle a
career, family, friendships and volunteer service. Proponents of
feminism declared that not only
can women do what men do, but we
ought to do what men do. Since men can't do what women can do--
have babies--this put a double burden on women. It wasn't enough
that women were already exhausted from the never-ending tasks of
child-rearing and homemaking; we were told that women needed to be
in the work force as well, contributing to the family financially.
Scripture presents a different picture for men and women. The Bible
appears to make a distinction between each gender's primary
energies. The commands to women are generally in the realm of our
relationships, which is consistent with the way God made women to
be primarily relational, being naturally sensitive to others and
usually valuing people above things. Scripture never forbids women
to be gainfully employed; in fact, the virtuous woman of Proverbs
31 is engaged in several part-time business ventures, in real
estate and manufacturing. Nonetheless, it is the excellent care of
her husband, her children, her home and her community that inspires
the praise she is due. Titus 2 instructs older women to mentor
younger women, and teach them to care for their husbands and
children and homemaking responsibilities. The God-given strengths
of a woman were given to bring glory to God through her womanly
differences
Lie #2: Men and Women are Fundamentally the Same
Apart from some minor biological differences, feminism strongly
suggested that males and females are fundamentally the same.
Culture, it announced, was responsible for turning human blank
slates into truck-wielding boys and doll-toting girls.
This lie has been very effective at changing the culture. My
husband Ray and I offer a seminar at Probe's
Mind Games
conferences called "Guys Are From Mars, Girls Are From Venus,"
where we go over the major differences between the sexes. Men, for
instance, tend to be more goal-oriented and competitive, where
women are more relational and cooperative. Men are active; women
are verbal. This is intuitively obvious to the adults in our
audience, but it is often new news to high school and college
students. We find adults nodding with smiles of recognition, some
of them nudging each other in the ribs. In the younger members of
the audience, though, we see "the lights come on" in their eyes as
they are exposed to something that is obvious and they probably
already knew was true, but feminism's world view had been feeding
them a lie. They have been so immersed in this cultural myth that
they had accepted it without question. One young man came up to me
after a session and said he totally disagreed with me, that there
are no real differences between males and females. I asked him if
he treated his guy friends the same way he treated his girl
friends, and he said, "Of course!" I asked, "And this doesn't cause
you any problems?" He said no. With a smile, I suggested he come
talk to me in ten years after he'd had a chance to experience real
life!
The truth is that God created significant differences between males
and females. We can see evidence of this in the fact that Scripture
gives different commands for husbands and wives, which are rooted
in the differing needs and divinely-appointed roles of men and
women.
Lie #3: Desirability is Enhanced by Achievement
The third lie of feminism is that the more a woman achieves, the
more attractive and desirable she becomes to men. The importance of
achievement to a man's sense of self--an element of masculinity
that is, we believe, God-given--was projected onto women. Feminism
declared that achieving something, making a mark in the world, was
the only measure of success that merited the respect of others.
Women who believed this myth found themselves competing with men.
Now, competition is appropriate in the business and professional
world, but it's disastrous in relationships.
Men do respect and admire accomplished women, just as they do men,
but personal relationships operate under a different set of
standards. Men most appreciate a woman's unique feminine
attributes: love, sensitivity, her abilities to relate. Women have
been shocked to discover that their hard-won accomplishments
haven't resulted in great relationships with men. Sometimes, being
overeducated hampers a woman's ability to relate to men. Men's egos
are notoriously fragile, and they are by nature competitive. It's
threatening to many men when a woman achieves more, or accomplishes
more, or knows more than they do. Feminism didn't warn women of the
double standard in relationships: that achievement can and does
reap benefits in our careers, but be a stumbling block in our
relationships.
The question naturally arises, then, Is it bad for a woman to have
a higher degree of education than the man in a relationship? Is it
troublesome when a woman is smarter than the man? Should a woman
"dumb down" in order to get or keep her man? In the words of the
apostle Paul, "May it never be!" A woman living up to the potential
of her God-given gifts brings glory to God; it would be an insult
to our gracious God to pretend those gifts aren't there. The answer
is for women to understand that many men feel threatened and
insecure about this area of potential competition, and maintain an
attitude of humility and sensitivity about one's strengths; as
Romans exhorts us, "Honor[ing] one another above yourselves"
(12:10).
Not surprisingly, God already knew about the disparity between the
sexes on the issue of achievement. Throughout the Bible, men are
called to trust God as they achieve whatever God has called them to
do. It's important for men to experience personal significance by
making a mark on the world. But God calls women to trust Him in a
different area: in our relationships. A woman's value is usually
not in providing history-changing leadership and making great, bold
moves, but in loving and supporting those around us, changing the
world by touching hearts. Once in a while, a woman does make her
mark on a national or global scale: consider the biblical judge
Deborah, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, and Indira Ghandi. But
women like these are the exception, not the rule. And we don't have
to feel guilty for not being "exceptional."
Lie #4: The Myth of One's "Unrealized Potential"
Lie number four says that all of us--but especially women--have
tremendous potential that simply
must be realized. To feminism's
way of thinking, just being average isn't acceptable: you must be
great.
This causes two problems. First, women are deceived into thinking
they are one of the elite, the few, the special. Reality, though,
is that most women are ordinary, one of the many. All of us are
uniquely gifted by God, but few women are given visible, high-
profile leadership roles, which tend to be the only ones that
feminism deems valuable. We run into trouble when we're operating
under a set of beliefs that don't coincide with reality!
Consequently, many women are operating under unrealistically high
expectations of themselves. When life doesn't deliver on their
hopes, whether they be making class valedictorian, beauty pageant
winner, company president, or neurosurgeon, women are set up for
major disappointment. Just being a cog in the wheel of your own
small world isn't enough.
This brings us to the second problem. A lot of women beat
themselves up for not accomplishing greatness. Instead of investing
their life's energies in doing well those things they
can do,
they grieve what and who they are
not. Just being good, or being
good at what they do, isn't enough if they're not the
best.
Romans 12:3 tells us, "Do not think of yourself more highly than
you ought." Rather than worrying about our unrealized potential for
some sort of nebulous greatness, we ought to be concerned about
being faithful and obedient in the things God has given us to do,
trusting Him for the ultimate results. And we ought to not worry
about being ordinary as if there were some stigma to it. Scripture
says that God is pleased to use ordinary people, because that's how
He gets the most glory. (See 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.) There is honor
in being an ordinary person in the hand of an extraordinary God.
Lie #5: Sexual Sameness
The fifth lie of feminism is that men and women are the same
sexually. This lie comes to us courtesy of the same evil source
that brought us the lies of the sexual revolution.
The truth is that women can't separate sex from love as easily as
men can. For women, sex needs to be an expression of love and
commitment. Without these qualities, sex is demeaning, nothing more
than hormones going crazy.
The cost of sex is far greater for women than for men. Sex outside
of a committed, loving relationship--I'm talking about marriage
here--often results in unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted
diseases, and profound heartbreak. Every time a woman gives her
body away to a man, she gives a part of her heart as well. Sexual
"freedom" has brought new degrees of heartache to millions of
women. The lie of sexual equality has produced widespread
promiscuity and epidemic disease. No wonder so many women are
struggling with self-esteem!
God's commands concerning sex take into account the fact that men
and women are not the same sexually or any other way. He tells us
to exercise self-control before marriage, saving all sexual
expression for the constraints of a marriage relationship, and then
to keep the marriage bed pure once we are married. When we follow
these guidelines, we discover that God's laws provide protection
for women: the security of a committed relationship, freedom from
sexual health worries, and a stable environment for any children
produced in the union. This high standard also protects men by
providing a safe channel for their sexual energies. Both chaste
single men, and faithful husbands, are kept safe from sexual
diseases, unwanted pregnancies with women other than their wives,
and the guilt of sexual sin.
Lie #6: The Denial of Maternity
Many women postponed marriage and childbearing to pursue their own
personal development and career goals. This perspective denies the
reality of a woman's reproductive system and the limitations of
time. Childbearing is easier in a woman's 20s and 30s than in her
40s. Plus, there is a physical cost; science has borne out the
liabilities that older women incur for themselves and their babies.
Midlife women are more prone to have problems getting pregnant,
staying pregnant, and then experiencing difficult deliveries. The
risk of conceiving a child with Down's Syndrome is considerably
higher in older mothers.(3) Fertility treatment doesn't work as
well for women over 40.(4)
There is also a spiritual dimension to denying maternity. When
women refuse their God-ordained roles and responsibilities, they
open themselves to spiritual deception and temptations. 1 Timothy
2:15 is an intriguing verse: "But women will be saved through
childbearing." One compelling translation for this verse is, "Women
will be
kept safe through childbearing," where Paul uses the word
for
childbearing as a sort of shorthand for the woman's
involvement in the domestic sphere--having her "focus on the
family," so to speak.(5) When a married woman's priorities are
marriage, family and the home, she is kept safe--protected--from
the consequences of delaying motherhood and the temptations that
beleaguer a woman trying to fill a man's role. For example, I know
one married woman who chose to pursue a full-time career in
commercial real estate, to the detriment of her family. She
confessed that she found herself constantly battling the temptation
to lust on two fronts: sexual lust for the men in her office and
her clients, and lust for the recognition and material things that
marked success in that field. Another friend chose her career over
having any children at all, and discovered that like the men in her
field, she could not separate her sense of self from her job, and
it ultimately cost her her marriage and her life as she knew it.
The problem isn't having a career: the problem is when a woman gets
her priorities out of balance.
Lie #7: To Be Feminine Is To Be Weak
In the attempt to blur gender distinctions, feminists declared war
on the concept of gender-related characteristics. The qualities
that marked feminine women--softness, sweetness, kindness, the
ability to relate well--were judged as silly, stupid and weak. Only
what characterized men--characteristics like firmness,
aggressiveness, competitiveness--were deemed valuable.
But when women try to take on male qualities, the end result is a
distortion that is neither feminine nor masculine. A woman is
perceived as shrill, not spirited. What is expected and acceptable
aggression in a man is perceived as unwelcome brashness in a woman.
When women try to be tough, it is often taken as unpleasantness.
Unfortunately, there really is a strong stereotype about "what
women should be like" that merits being torn down. A lot of men are
threatened by strong women with opinions and agendas of their own,
and treat them with undeserved disrespect. But it is not true that
traditionally masculine characteristics are the only ones that
count.
There really is a double standard operating, because the
characteristics that constitute masculinity and femininity are
separate and different, and they are not interchangeable. To be
feminine is a special kind of strength. It's a different, appealing
kind of power that allows a woman to influence her world in a way
quite distinct from the way a man influences the world. It pleased
the Lord to create woman to complement man, not to compete with him
or be a more rounded copy of him. 1 Corinthians 11:7 says that man
is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.
Femininity isn't weakness; it's the glorious, splendid crown on
humanity.
Lie #8: Doing is Better Than Being
In his book
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus(6), John Gray
pointed out that men get their sense of self from achievement, and
women get their sense of self from relationships. Feminism declared
that the male orientation of
what you do was the only one that
mattered;
who you are, and how important you are to the people in
your world, didn't count for as much.
This lie said that active is good, passive is bad. Traditional
feminine behaviors of being passive and receptive were denounced as
demeaning to women and ineffective in the world. Only being the
initiator counted, not being the responder. "To listen, to be
there, to receive the other with an open heart and mind--this has
always been one of the most vital roles of woman. Most women do
this quite naturally, but many have come to feel uneasy in this
role. Instead, they work frantically on assertiveness, aggression,
personal expression, and power, madly suppressing their feminine
instincts of love and relatedness."(7)
Women's roles in the family, the church, and the world are a
combination of being a responder and an initiator. As a responder,
a wife honors her husband through loving submission, and a woman
serves the church through the exercise of her spiritual gifts. As
an initiator and leader, a woman teaches her children and uses her
abilities in the world, such as the woman of Proverbs 31. God's
plan is for us to live a balanced life--sometimes active, sometimes
passive; sometimes the initiator, sometimes the responder; at all
times, submitting both who we are and what we do to the Lordship of
Christ.
Lie #9: The Myth of Self-Sufficiency
The ninth lie is the myth of self-sufficiency. Remember the famous
feminist slogan that appeared on everything from bumper stickers to
t-shirts to notepads? "A woman without a man is like a fish without
a bicycle." The message was clear: women don't need men, who are
inferior anyway. The world would be a better place if women ran
it: no wars, no greed, no power plays, just glorious cooperation
and peace.
The next step after "women don't need men" was logical: women don't
need anybody. We can take care of ourselves. Helen Reddy's hit song
"I Am Woman" became feminism's theme song, with the memorable
chorus, "If I have to, I can do anything / I am strong / I am
invincible / I am woman!"
Of course, if women don't need anybody except themselves, they
certainly don't need God. Particularly a masculine, patriarchal God
who makes rules they don't like and insists that He alone is God.
But the need to worship is deeply ingrained in us, so feminist
thought gave rise to goddess worship. The goddess was just a female
image to focus on; in actuality, goddess worship is worship of
oneself.(8)
The lie of self-sufficiency is the same lie that Satan has been
deceiving us with since the Garden of Eden: What do you need God
for? We grieve the Lord's heart when we believe this lie. Jeremiah
2:13 says, "My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken
Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water." God made us for Himself;
believing the lie of self-sufficiency isn't only futile, it's a
slap in God's face.
Lie #10: Women Would Enjoy the Feminization of Men
The tenth lie of feminism is that women would enjoy the
feminization of men. Feminists believed that the only way to
achieve equality of the sexes was to do away with
role
distinctions. Then they decided that that wasn't enough: society
had to do away with
gender distinctions, or at the very least
blur the lines. Women embraced more masculine values, and men were
encouraged to embrace more feminine characteristics. That was
supposed to fix the problem. It didn't.
As men tried to be "good guys" and accommodate feminists' demands,
the culture saw a new type of man emerge: sensitive, nurturing,
warmly compassionate, yielding. The only problem was that this
"soft man" wasn't what women wanted. Women pushed men to be like
women, and when they complied, nobody respected them. Women, it
turns out, want to be the soft ones--and we want men to be strong
and firm and courageous; we want a manly man. When men start taking
on feminine characteristics, they're just wimpy and unmasculine,
not pleasing themselves or the women who demanded the change. There
is a good reason that books and movies with strong, masculine
heroes continue to appeal to such a large audience. Both men and
women respond to men who fulfill God's design for male leadership,
protection, and strength.
Underlying the women's liberation movement is an angry,
unsubmissive attitude that is fueled by the lies of deception. It's
good to know what the lies are, but it's also important to know
what God's word says, so we can combat the lies with the power of
His truth.
Notes
1. Toni Grant, Being a Woman: Fulfilling Your Femininity and
Finding Love. New York: Random House, 1988.
2. Grant, 3.
3. Physicians of the Geisinger Health System, "Motherhood at
ThirtySomething."
http://www.geisinger.edu/ghs/pubtips/m/MotherhoodatThirtySomething.html
4. Denise Mann, "Older Women Rarely Become New Moms With IVF."
http://www.ssnewslink.com/demo/womensstudies/19980226A3555.html
5. Andreas Kostenberger, "Saved Through Childbearing?" (CBMW [The
Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood] News, Sept. 1997), p.
3.
6. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York:
HarperCollins, 1992.
7. Grant, 9.
8. Mary Kassian, The Feminist Gospel (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway
Books, 1992), p. 159.
© 1998 Probe Ministries International
About the Author
Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker with Probe Ministries.
She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker
for over 25 years. She serves as a Mentoring Mom for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), and on the
board of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those wanting to leave homosexuality.
She is also a professional calligrapher and the webservant for Probe Ministries; but most
importantly, she is the wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two college-age sons.
She can be reached via e-mail at
sue@probe.org.
I
have over 2,000 books and booklets. People have often commented to me,
“I wish I liked to read as much as you do.” Truthfully, I don't like
reading, but I certainly DO love learning. To
me, reading without learning is a waste of time, but that is just
me. I realize that some people like to read just for the sake of reading
(and
that's just fine, but I don't like to read anything unless I'm going
to gain
knowledge or wisdom from it). So as you can imagine, I am NOT a fan
of
fiction books. I read to learn, thus performing the unpleasant task
of
reading books to fulfill the joy of learning. I very much enjoy
books
because they contain information. Each book is a reflection of
someone's beliefs, attitudes, and soul. Hence, I'm always on the
lookout for more books. 
