Last
week a reporter asked me to define “complementarianism.” She didn’t
know what it meant. And that’s not entirely surprising.
“Complementarity” is a word that doesn’t appear in the Bible, but is
used by people to summarize a biblical concept. It’s like the word
“Trinity.” The Bible never uses the word “Trinity.” But it’s undeniable
that it points to a Triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Though the concept of male-female complementarity is present from
Genesis through Revelation, the label “complementarian” has only been in
use for about 25 years. It was coined by a group of scholars who got
together to try and come up with a word to describe someone who ascribes
to the historic, biblical idea that male and female are equal, but
different. The need for such a label arose in response to the
proposition that equality means role-interchangeability
(egalitarianism)—a concept that was first forwarded and popularized in
Evangelical circles in the 1970s and 80s by “Biblical Feminists.”
I’ve read several posts on the internet lately from people who
misunderstand and/or misrepresent the complementarian view. I was at
the meeting, 25 years ago, where the word “complementarian” was chosen.
So I think I have a good grasp on the word’s definition.
In this post I want to boil it down for you. In emulation of the
popular “for Dummies” series of instructional books, I’ll give you a
“Complementarianism for Dummies” primer on the intended meaning of the
word.
1. It’s complementary . . .NOT complimentary
The word “complementarian” is derived from the word “complement” (Not
the word “compliment”). The dictionary defines “complement” as
“Something that completes or makes perfect; either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole; counterparts.”
Complementarians believe that God created male and female as
complementary expressions of the image of God—male and female are
counterparts in reflecting His glory. Having two sexes expands the view.
Though both sexes bear God’s image fully on their own, each does so in a
unique and distinct way. Male and female in relationship reflect truths
about Jesus that are not reflected by male alone or female alone.
2. June Cleaver is so fifties and so NOT the definition of complementarity
In our name-the-concept meeting, someone mentioned the word
“traditionalism” since our position is what Christians have
traditionally believed. But that was quickly nixed. The word
“traditionalism” smacks of “tradition.” Complementarians believe that
the Bible’s principles supersede tradition. They can be applied in every
time and culture. June Cleaver is a traditional, American, cultural TV
stereotype.
She is NOT the complementarian ideal.
Period. (And exclamation mark!) Culture has changed. What
complementarity looks like now is different than what it looked like
sixty or seventy years ago. So throw out the cookie-cutter stereotype.
It does not apply.
3. A proletariat-bourgeois-type hierarchy has no place in complementarity
Feminist theorists maintain that male-female role differences create
an over-under hierarchy in which men, who are like the privileged,
elite, French landowners (bourgeois) of the 18
th century,
keep women—who are like the lower, underprivileged class of workers
(proletariat)—subservient. Complementarians do not believe that men, as a
group, are ranked higher than women. Men are not superior to
women–women are not the “second sex.” Though men have a responsibility
to exercise headship in their homes, and in the church family, Christ
revolutionized the definition of what that means. Authority is not the
right to rule—it’s the responsibility to serve. We rejected the term
“hierarchicalism” because people associate it with an inherent,
self-proclaimed right to rule.
4. Complementarity does not condone the patriarchal, societal oppression of women.
Technically, “patriarchy” simply means a social organization in which
the father is the head of the family. But since the 1970s, feminists
have redefined the historic use of the term, and attributed negative
connotations to it. Nowadays, people regard patriarchy as the
oppressive rule of men.
“Patriarchy” is regarded as a misogynistic system in which women are
put down and squelched. That’s why we rejected the term
“patriarchalism.” Complementarians stand against the oppression of
women. We want to see women flourish, and we believe they do so when men
and women live according to God’s Word.
5. Complementarians believe that God designed male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus.
Okay, now that we’ve cleared up some misconceptions and false
terminology about complementarianism, it’s time to give you a basic
definition. Essentially, a complementarian is a person who believes that
God created male and female to reflect complementary truths about
Jesus. That’s the bottom-line meaning of the word. Complementarians
believe that males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s
relationship to the church (and the LORD God’s relationship to Christ)
in a way that females cannot, and that females were designed to shine
the spotlight on the Church’s relationship to Christ (and Christ’s
relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we are as
male and female is ultimately not about us. It’s about testifying to the
story of Jesus. We do not get to dictate what manhood and womanhood are
all about. Our Creator does. That’s the basis of complementarianism.
A complementarian is a person who believes that God created male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus.
If you hear someone tell you that complementarity means you have to
get married, have dozens of babies, be a stay-at-home housewife, clean
toilets, completely forego a career, chuck your brain, tolerate abuse,
watch “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs, bury your gifts, deny your
personality, and bobble-head nod “yes” to everything men say, don’t
believe her. That’s a straw (wo)man misrepresentation. It’s not
complementarianism.
I should know. I’m a complementarian. And I helped coin the term.
© Mary Kassian
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